881: Female friendships in popular culture (Part 1)

When I first transited into adulthood, I started learning that there was apparently an overwhelming narrative that girls hate each other.

I found it funny because I studied in all-girls' schools for a good 7 years. I was the quiet, aloof, eccentric one who wasn't hated, but didn't have many friends either. Hence I was always envious of my peers who were so close to each other that they could share their joys, insecurities, cry with each other and not be judged. Back then I already saw female friendship as something so valuable and priceless, I longed to have it so badly.

So it surprises me to see that female friendship is so badly devalued by the media, by our culture, and particularly, by men who don't know any better.

I don't fault the people who believe women cannot get along with each other. Popular culture paints women as bitchy, superficial and catty, and cannot form deep relationships with anyone but their boyfriends or husbands. You see it in palace dramas, women fight each other to death over a man's affection.

On the other hand, the "bros before hoes" mantra is very commonly seen in popular culture. Men do things and form strong bonds with each other, while women are side hoes who are nothing more than accessories to the men in the films.

I suppose it is a cycle that feeds viciously into each other- the media overwhelmingly glorifies "girl on girl" hate, hence people subconsciously already believe women hate each other, hence it is difficult to see scenarios, be it on screen or in real life, where strong, loyal female friendships are portrayed.

Well, today I'm going to do just that- glorify strong, loyal female friendships in popular culture.

A perfect example of a film where female friendships are not only encouraged, but in fact form the basis of the entire story, is the Singaporean film, Royston Tan's 881.

The two protagonists are not referred to as anything in the film other than Big Papaya (Yeo Yann Yann) and Little Papaya (Mindee Ong). The two Papayas met at a getai (basically it means Chinese singing) event, and, bonded by their mutual passion for getai, they started their own performance duo called The Papaya Sisters.

It was revealed at the start of the film that Little Papaya had liver cancer. The duo had to deal with a rival getai duo called The Durian Sisters, as well as Little Papaya's deteriorating health condition. Despite her limited lifespan, Little Papaya poured her heart and soul into making The Papaya Sisters a success, even taking steroids to sustain her energy levels as she was determined to live her dream.

It was evident that it was not easy to juggle between their relationship and the taxing performance schedule. The Papaya Sisters, despite being very close on a usual day, were shown in one scene to be engaging in a loud physical fight on the car on the way to their next performance.

Narration from Guan Yin: "Quarrels in the car were common due to the pressure."

Things got complicated when Big Papaya and Little Papaya both fall for their driver, Guan Yin (Qi Yuwu). Big Papaya had made out with Guan Yin prior to realising that Little Papaya had feelings for him too. (Guan Yin was deaf and mute and it was never specified if he had feelings for Big Papaya or Little Papaya.)

If we think about all the real-life relationships we've had, be it platonic or otherwise, how many of us dare say we have never once had a quarrel with a friend before? Never had a disagreement? I'm not talking about acquaintances, I'm talking about people we have a deeper relationship with, like close friends or even family.

When different individuals get together and have to do things beyond saying hi and bye to each other, it is almost inevitable that friction would arise somewhere.

Look carefully at the men in your lives and I'm almost 100% certain they have own disagreements, conflicts and sometimes outright cat-fights as well. You want a more extreme example of male drama? World War 2. It was a Hitler vs Stalin cat-fight of epic proportions.

Somehow, though, male drama isn't perceived as drama.

Moving on, after months and months of arduous training, and being defeated by The Durian Sisters numerous times, 881 finally emerged victorious in a competition with The Durian Sisters. Shortly after winning the getai showdown, Little Papaya collapses.

Little Papaya was hospitalised and was strongly urged to start chemotherapy.

Sensing that Little Papaya's days were numbered, Big Papaya had a long, heart-to-heart talk with Little Papaya in the hospital, and she addressed the elephant in the room: she admitted that she had made out with Guan Yin and asked Little Papaya if she had blamed her for that. Little Papaya not only said no, she also asked if the kiss was "good".

"We each take half, so the relationship will last..."

I watched this movie on my flight back from London. I'm not the kind who cries over sad movies but I must confess, this scene made me tear. And made me go back to it again and again during the flight. Somehow, it made me treasure my best friend more.

I had been friends with my best friend for 7 years now. We are so close that someone had mistaken us for a lesbian couple before, but I digress. Our friendship has not been without disagreements. We tell each other about our conflicts we've had with our families, and sometimes it can be hard to get the other to see our point of view despite the best of intentions.

However, I would never trade anything for our friendship. We had grown up together (somewhat) and we were bonded by similar experiences- JC, 'A' levels, and rocky careers. I had a rocky start to my career, and while she wasn't a part of it, she was the only constant in my life then (besides my family), going through the hardships and heartbreaks with me. She had even attended my commissioning parade.

It was through being friends with her that I learned a lot about myself, and really, knowing how to give and take is truly the key to a lasting friendship. Likewise can be said about my other close female friends who have been with me for years, although I don't keep in touch with some of them quite as frequently.

I've heard many similar stories from other girl friends about their own female friendships. I've heard complaints and what men may call "bitching"... but at the end of the day, those female friendships stay strong and intact. My girl friends would tell me, "you know, sometimes that girl can be super ridiculous but she's great even if I can't describe her greatness in words." That is the story of a real friendship to me.

Knowing each other's flaws, getting pissed off by them occasionally, yet still accepting and loving each other fully regardless, now THAT is more valuable to me than a "friendship" that is nothing but sugar, spice and everything nice.

Big Papaya stayed by Little Papaya's side even on the latter's deathbed. I'm hoping all my female friendships will last a lifetime. :)

P.S. Now I'm not dissing men; this is not some race to the bottom where I compare which gender is more toxic to each other. I don't like comparing genders, so I won't approve your 1000 word-long comment crying about how your "brotherhood" is more valuable than my 7 year long (some even longer) female friendships.

All I am saying is that men have conflicts, women have conflicts...this is not due to anything inherently bad about either gender, nor something to be ashamed of. It's just that women tend to be judged more harshly as a population for being even slightly aggressive towards each other, and what I am trying to figure out is why.

In part 2 I will explore friendships in The Legend of Zhen Huan and what binds women together even in the most unwelcoming of environments.