Dedicated to the "forever alones"
A few years ago on Valentine's Day a good friend of mine sms-ed our common group of friends, wishing all the attached girls a sweet day. Then she went on to address the rest of us single girls by starting with "And to all the forever alone people...".
...
...
Oh no you didn't.
...
...
-.-
Oh no you didn't.
This friend of mine is a really nice girl with high EQ and I know she didn't mean to be offensive as she was single herself. However sometimes I really wished she'd be more self-confident so people would see her true potential. :) That aside, this V-day I'd like to dedicate this post to all the single people who are looking for a soulmate and are dejected and discouraged that they've been single for the past n years.
If you're single by your own choice, or if you're single and looking but still perfectly happy with your single status (like me, hurhur), then you are awesome and you can stop reading now :) hahaha I just called myself awesome!
Okay so to the sad, disappointed "friend zoned" ladies and gentlemen, you've had your hearts broken time and again and you're about to give up and adopt 20 cats, or you've decided all men are evil or all women are bitches. You are starting to feel no one would ever love you. This post is for you. I'm unqualified to give relationship/courtship advice of course, being the initiator of many a failed courtship myself. But I do want to share my perspective with regard to rejection, dealing with it, and harbouring healthy mindsets towards life and relationships. This isn't a wiki-how article; this is what has worked for me. :)
When I was in Junior College I used to have this major crush on this guy (my older friends can guess who). Being a young person who had just left my all-girls' secondary school to enter a whole new world of boys, I was naturally completely alien towards the conception of attraction. That plus my tendency to do tons of stupid things placed me in his not "friend zone", but I presume "annoying piece of shit, fuck off" zone.
Now I met this guy, whom we shall name X, at a CCA meet. I can't remember why I liked him (like I said, I used to do tons of things I cannot explain), but this guy had everything- he had the smarts, looks and a good character. On hindsight I totally understand why this was set up for disaster from day 1.
Firstly, I had nothing to offer for X like that. I was pretty ugly as a 17 year old and I didn't particularly shine in my academics or sports. I didn't do anything note-worthy and my personality was non-descript at best. I had a blog, which many said was funny, but some felt was too angsty. He could have very well belonged to the latter group. I never talked to him but then went to tell all my friends I had a crush on him. I would watch him from a distance like a creepy stalker. Come I clap for me. I'm almost feeling second hand embarrassment for my 17 year old self as I am typing this.
But the worst thing of all was that I did not bother to find out how he felt about me. It's like Day 1: I think you're cute and then BOOM! I decide I have a crush on you. I didn't even interact with him much for him to find out more about me as a person. I didn't find out what he was as a person first before declaring my feelings. Needless to say, this story ended with him liking another girl, and me broken-hearted and walking away from the erm, non-existent romance.
I had no qualms about being rejected but there was a period of time where I resented X for not just outright telling me that he didn't like me. I felt like if he had done so it would have saved the awkwardness from the get go and he wouldn't have had to play games like ignoring me. But honestly, had I been in his shoes, what would I have done? I didn't talk to him so it was not like he could have gone "Hey I don't like you" out of nowhere. We saw each other a lot and it would have been very awkward (at least for him) should he reject me then have to interact with me again afterwards. He probably did the most sensible and logical thing by just praying that I got the hint and stopped pinning for him. Which, fortunately for both him and me, I eventually did.
I had no qualms about being rejected but there was a period of time where I resented X for not just outright telling me that he didn't like me. I felt like if he had done so it would have saved the awkwardness from the get go and he wouldn't have had to play games like ignoring me. But honestly, had I been in his shoes, what would I have done? I didn't talk to him so it was not like he could have gone "Hey I don't like you" out of nowhere. We saw each other a lot and it would have been very awkward (at least for him) should he reject me then have to interact with me again afterwards. He probably did the most sensible and logical thing by just praying that I got the hint and stopped pinning for him. Which, fortunately for both him and me, I eventually did.
From then on, I resolved to improve myself and the way I interacted with guys. Tried growing my hair out (never happened because I kept growing tired of long, heavy hair and succumbed to the urge to cut it -.-), experimented with makeup and fashion, tried to be more humble and positive, and basically tried to be a little more interesting to be around. I dare say it hasn't failed me; although I still had much to improve on since the unrequited crush incident, I had a lot of fun learning along the way and it has helped me make more close friends, and more easily, too :)
Another moral of the story? Yes I am a preachy sucker :( I made a point to always get to know a guy and be friends with him first before deciding it is worth taking it further. Don't get me wrong. This isn't "befriend him to get into his pants". I see it as building a relationship right from the beginning, getting to know the person and his wants/feelings, making sure his character is something you respect and vice versa before deciding you like him. In the case of X, there was no friendship between us right from the beginning, so it was no wonder the puppy love eventually crumbled to become nothing at all. However, with friendship as a basis, even if the relationship doesn't work out, there believe there is still a way for the two parties to remain friends because the friendship in itself was something meaningful.
And now fast forward 2 years.
Pardon me for the bitching, but this next guy takes the throne for being King of "how to never get a date". I thought I was bad during JC.
Let's just say I started work, and during my days of training, I met this guy. Let's call him Y.
Y tried to rope in as many people from our batch as possible to assist him in the planning of certain events. He had tried to involve some of the girls and because I was close to the girls, I accepted his invitation to work with him.
Now this task in question wasn't exactly something I'd call saikang (Hokkien for shit work), but Y succeeded in making it so. Why? Because evening after evening, after a long day and people had a limited time for their own admin activities, he'd call for a meeting and decide nothing. To put bluntly he was wasting our time and time is very precious in my organisation. After about 3 meetings, I got mildly annoyed with this guy.
Second thing was that instead of reflecting on himself, we went all to call all the guys who worked with him "incompetent" and complained about his colleagues all the time. According to another female friend, he even lied that he had a high-ranking cousin in the same organisation and threatened to tell this "cousin" whenever someone pissed him off. Newsflash: this cousin doesn't exist. But that didn't stop me from talking to him because it was not like he was outright irritating me or anything.
YET.
So after about 4 days of knowing this guy, he came to sit next to me to talk to me during one of the breaks. Now there was this social event in which we had to bring dates, and we were discussing the topic. I told him I intended to ask this guy from JC whom I sort of liked but was in the army so he might not be able to go. (no it isn't the above mentioned X). So then he went,
"Do do you think he likes you? Come on, tell me what he says and does and I'll help you decide if he likes you back."
Naturally I didn't want to reveal stuff like that to a guy I only knew for 4 days, so I simply told him it was a private issue. I then asked him about who he planned to ask. What happened next was something I totally did not expect. He told me he broke up with his girlfriend and that he was surprised "that kind of bitch" (his words not mine) could get a new boyfriend after breaking up. (He told another female colleague that she cheated on him, but BAH! details). He was describing how all the guys around him called their girlfriends during free time and he was just like, "ok I'm alone".
I was obviously startled that he shared these things with me in such detail after knowing me for only a few days. I asked him why he didn't consider just asking his female friends then. He said, "oh, because I focused on only my girlfriend and didn't talk to other girls".
Guess what the conclusion of his story was?
"Since your guy might not be able to book out, why not we ask each other out for the event?"
Red flag number 1: working with a person is the best way to get to know someone. I didn't like him as a colleague because as I said, I was already mildly annoyed with him within 3 days of knowing him. It was very telling of his personality. When I eventually told him honestly that his meetings are not productive, he blamed it on us. He said he was working so hard when everyone else just wanted to go off and do their own stuff. Everyone else he worked with didn't like the way he handled things. It was a sign he didn't really care about anyone else's needs apart from his own.
Red Flags number 2,3, 4 and 5: Boundaries, dude. I don't even get close enough to some of my friends to share my deepest relationship problems within 4 weeks of knowing them, let alone 4 days. I also didn't ask him about his relationship problems, I merely asked who he was bringing as a date. How was he expecting me to respond to his story? To say that "ya you're the most amazing thing since sliced bread and your girlfriend was a bitch for dumping you, I should totally go as your date you poor soul"? I barely knew him or his girlfriend to pass any sort of judgement. And why is he hitting on me when he obviously haven't resolved his residual emotional issues from his previous relationship?
And which person in the right mind does not even have a single friend of the opposite sex no matter how attached you are?
So the story continues. After the first one and a half weeks of meeting Y, he, I and a group of our friends suggested a group movie outing after knocking off which I agreed to, because I thought it would be a "group" outing. When I got home, I private messaged him on FB about something else, and he ask me to go for a movie outing. Of course, thinking it was a group outing, like previously mentioned, I asked who else was going.
He said "just me and you, if you don't mind".
I totally fucking minded going for a movie alone with some guy I didn't even know well, so I politely declined. Besides, after he held so many annoying meetings I was more than thankful to have a day away from him. He wouldn't take no for an answer, and kept pestering me to go out with him. He even demanded a reason as to why I was rejecting him. He was like "are you afraid I'd eat you up". I resisted the urge to say yes and told him nicely but firmly that I'd rather spend that time with you know, people I actually cared about. So he eventually accepted it but kept typing "sigh, hai (sound of sighing), and sian" during the conversation.
Red Flag 3: If someone doesn't want to go out with you, accept it and move on. Nobody owes you any explanation for not wanting your company and you don't get to decide other people's comfort level with you. And might I add, ESPECIALLY IF THE PERSON HAS ONLY KNOWN YOU FOR A WEEK. And don't do that self-pitying thing! Even if I relented I went out with you, the reason still isn't because I actually valued your company.
The bad news is I haven't even finished yet.
Another moral of the story? Yes I am a preachy sucker :( I made a point to always get to know a guy and be friends with him first before deciding it is worth taking it further. Don't get me wrong. This isn't "befriend him to get into his pants". I see it as building a relationship right from the beginning, getting to know the person and his wants/feelings, making sure his character is something you respect and vice versa before deciding you like him. In the case of X, there was no friendship between us right from the beginning, so it was no wonder the puppy love eventually crumbled to become nothing at all. However, with friendship as a basis, even if the relationship doesn't work out, there believe there is still a way for the two parties to remain friends because the friendship in itself was something meaningful.
And now fast forward 2 years.
Pardon me for the bitching, but this next guy takes the throne for being King of "how to never get a date". I thought I was bad during JC.
Let's just say I started work, and during my days of training, I met this guy. Let's call him Y.
Y tried to rope in as many people from our batch as possible to assist him in the planning of certain events. He had tried to involve some of the girls and because I was close to the girls, I accepted his invitation to work with him.
Now this task in question wasn't exactly something I'd call saikang (Hokkien for shit work), but Y succeeded in making it so. Why? Because evening after evening, after a long day and people had a limited time for their own admin activities, he'd call for a meeting and decide nothing. To put bluntly he was wasting our time and time is very precious in my organisation. After about 3 meetings, I got mildly annoyed with this guy.
Second thing was that instead of reflecting on himself, we went all to call all the guys who worked with him "incompetent" and complained about his colleagues all the time. According to another female friend, he even lied that he had a high-ranking cousin in the same organisation and threatened to tell this "cousin" whenever someone pissed him off. Newsflash: this cousin doesn't exist. But that didn't stop me from talking to him because it was not like he was outright irritating me or anything.
YET.
So after about 4 days of knowing this guy, he came to sit next to me to talk to me during one of the breaks. Now there was this social event in which we had to bring dates, and we were discussing the topic. I told him I intended to ask this guy from JC whom I sort of liked but was in the army so he might not be able to go. (no it isn't the above mentioned X). So then he went,
"Do do you think he likes you? Come on, tell me what he says and does and I'll help you decide if he likes you back."
Naturally I didn't want to reveal stuff like that to a guy I only knew for 4 days, so I simply told him it was a private issue. I then asked him about who he planned to ask. What happened next was something I totally did not expect. He told me he broke up with his girlfriend and that he was surprised "that kind of bitch" (his words not mine) could get a new boyfriend after breaking up. (He told another female colleague that she cheated on him, but BAH! details). He was describing how all the guys around him called their girlfriends during free time and he was just like, "ok I'm alone".
I was obviously startled that he shared these things with me in such detail after knowing me for only a few days. I asked him why he didn't consider just asking his female friends then. He said, "oh, because I focused on only my girlfriend and didn't talk to other girls".
Guess what the conclusion of his story was?
"Since your guy might not be able to book out, why not we ask each other out for the event?"
Red flag number 1: working with a person is the best way to get to know someone. I didn't like him as a colleague because as I said, I was already mildly annoyed with him within 3 days of knowing him. It was very telling of his personality. When I eventually told him honestly that his meetings are not productive, he blamed it on us. He said he was working so hard when everyone else just wanted to go off and do their own stuff. Everyone else he worked with didn't like the way he handled things. It was a sign he didn't really care about anyone else's needs apart from his own.
Red Flags number 2,3, 4 and 5: Boundaries, dude. I don't even get close enough to some of my friends to share my deepest relationship problems within 4 weeks of knowing them, let alone 4 days. I also didn't ask him about his relationship problems, I merely asked who he was bringing as a date. How was he expecting me to respond to his story? To say that "ya you're the most amazing thing since sliced bread and your girlfriend was a bitch for dumping you, I should totally go as your date you poor soul"? I barely knew him or his girlfriend to pass any sort of judgement. And why is he hitting on me when he obviously haven't resolved his residual emotional issues from his previous relationship?
And which person in the right mind does not even have a single friend of the opposite sex no matter how attached you are?
So the story continues. After the first one and a half weeks of meeting Y, he, I and a group of our friends suggested a group movie outing after knocking off which I agreed to, because I thought it would be a "group" outing. When I got home, I private messaged him on FB about something else, and he ask me to go for a movie outing. Of course, thinking it was a group outing, like previously mentioned, I asked who else was going.
He said "just me and you, if you don't mind".
I totally fucking minded going for a movie alone with some guy I didn't even know well, so I politely declined. Besides, after he held so many annoying meetings I was more than thankful to have a day away from him. He wouldn't take no for an answer, and kept pestering me to go out with him. He even demanded a reason as to why I was rejecting him. He was like "are you afraid I'd eat you up". I resisted the urge to say yes and told him nicely but firmly that I'd rather spend that time with you know, people I actually cared about. So he eventually accepted it but kept typing "sigh, hai (sound of sighing), and sian" during the conversation.
Red Flag 3: If someone doesn't want to go out with you, accept it and move on. Nobody owes you any explanation for not wanting your company and you don't get to decide other people's comfort level with you. And might I add, ESPECIALLY IF THE PERSON HAS ONLY KNOWN YOU FOR A WEEK. And don't do that self-pitying thing! Even if I relented I went out with you, the reason still isn't because I actually valued your company.
The bad news is I haven't even finished yet.
He went to tell one of my friends that he liked me and asked her how to "ask me out". This on its own was innocuous, but more about this later.
We had to study for some stuff, and he proposed having a group study session for the committee of event planners. I agreed to it and he said he had requested an extension from our superiors to stay up till late because he had told them it was for an important meeting. I agreed. Later on, my group also proposed its own study session and I obviously preferred their company, so I agreed to join them instead. However, I extended an invitation to Y to join us if he wanted.
So during the study session, I studied with my friends while he hid, alone, in his own small room. I presumed he wasn't going to join us so I didn't care. During this whole time he constantly private messaged me on FB from his little room that I could join him in the room if I wanted. I said ok (which was a meaningless reply, not as in ok, I'll come) and wished him luck. Eventually, I left with my friends, because I didn't actually promise to go into the room to join Y for studying, plus, I did ask him to join us and he chose not to come. Shortly after, I saw a FB status whereby he posted that he was "waiting in the room for nothing".
*cue -.- face again
Seriously dude, then Y U no come join us, purposely isolate yourself and then passive aggressively post on facebook like it's my fault?
Please note that up till this point I was still PERFECTLY civil towards him. I didn't turn on him and be a total bitch (yet) despite him infringing on my personal space and disregarding my feelings and desires for the longest time.
Nearing weeks before the above mentioned social event, he still hadn't gotten a date. I'm not sure how actively he went to find one but he sure was very actively complaining about it on Facebook. He'd be going like "oh I'm growing older, so where's my other half?" or that his ex-girlfriend had gotten a date, "sigh".
Gradually, as time went on, a lot of people got irritated by his selfishness in the workplace and he eventually had very few friends left.
Anyway to cut a long story short, due to work complications I eventually snapped and left his committee because I couldn't stand working with him anymore. He was so dejected that he apologised to the entire company for all the offensive things he did to them. As I mentioned above, everyone else hated working with him. I felt rather sorry I decided I was too harsh, so I apologised to him on Facebook. At the same time, I told him I knew he liked me (because he told my friend who in turn told me) and rejected him nicely. He immediately went into defensive mode and completely denied ever liking me and asked who I heard it from.
We had to study for some stuff, and he proposed having a group study session for the committee of event planners. I agreed to it and he said he had requested an extension from our superiors to stay up till late because he had told them it was for an important meeting. I agreed. Later on, my group also proposed its own study session and I obviously preferred their company, so I agreed to join them instead. However, I extended an invitation to Y to join us if he wanted.
So during the study session, I studied with my friends while he hid, alone, in his own small room. I presumed he wasn't going to join us so I didn't care. During this whole time he constantly private messaged me on FB from his little room that I could join him in the room if I wanted. I said ok (which was a meaningless reply, not as in ok, I'll come) and wished him luck. Eventually, I left with my friends, because I didn't actually promise to go into the room to join Y for studying, plus, I did ask him to join us and he chose not to come. Shortly after, I saw a FB status whereby he posted that he was "waiting in the room for nothing".
*cue -.- face again
Seriously dude, then Y U no come join us, purposely isolate yourself and then passive aggressively post on facebook like it's my fault?
Please note that up till this point I was still PERFECTLY civil towards him. I didn't turn on him and be a total bitch (yet) despite him infringing on my personal space and disregarding my feelings and desires for the longest time.
Nearing weeks before the above mentioned social event, he still hadn't gotten a date. I'm not sure how actively he went to find one but he sure was very actively complaining about it on Facebook. He'd be going like "oh I'm growing older, so where's my other half?" or that his ex-girlfriend had gotten a date, "sigh".
Gradually, as time went on, a lot of people got irritated by his selfishness in the workplace and he eventually had very few friends left.
Anyway to cut a long story short, due to work complications I eventually snapped and left his committee because I couldn't stand working with him anymore. He was so dejected that he apologised to the entire company for all the offensive things he did to them. As I mentioned above, everyone else hated working with him. I felt rather sorry I decided I was too harsh, so I apologised to him on Facebook. At the same time, I told him I knew he liked me (because he told my friend who in turn told me) and rejected him nicely. He immediately went into defensive mode and completely denied ever liking me and asked who I heard it from.
Uhh, weren't you the one telling others all about it yourself?
I told him "ok forget it" and proceeded to unfriend him. I never interacted with him again.
Anyway, things that I hope this guy has learned:
1. A chip on the shoulder is not sexy. No matter what your ex-es did to you in the past, exuding a self-pitying aura is always repulsive. I have never met a person who is constantly whining about how bad his/her life and has lots of suitors. I've been rejected many times too, BIG DEAL. Deal with your feelings, and move on. Don't go around telling people you've only met for a few days how your ex was a horrible human being for not recognising the shining prince/lovely princess that you are. TL;DR, it's damn gross so stoppit.
2. Know how to read implicit signals and respect other people's boundaries. This means, learn to know when people are clearly disinterested in you. When someone backs off while you're leaning towards them, it's not because they want you to close the distance. If someone constantly ignores your texts/messaging, they aren't playing hard to get; it's not that hard to get. Find out about other people's feelings and respect them. Just because you want to "ask someone out" doesn't mean that person wants to be asked out by you. Make sure they are enjoying themselves around you instead of forcing your presence onto them just for the sake "getting to know them better".
3. Have something to place on the table if you want to be in a relationship, and I don't mean money. As much as most people hate to hear this, looks matter. What you do with your life and the quality of interactions people have with you also matter. If you can judge a person by their looks and decide you like it, people can also judge you by your looks and decide they don't like it. Saying you're a "nice guy/girl" and therefore you should be getting dates from your crush is like being a TV drama whose only selling point is "comes with moving pictures and intelligible sounds". People are not vending machines where you put niceness coins into and sex falls out. And you can also be the most eligible guy/girl around and your love interest still has the right to reject you. People have different preferences, respect them.
Returning to the topic of Y, he was everything I hated in a man. He wasn't a good-looker to start with, he didn't have a shining character, and worst of all none of the guys even liked him. He seriously had no friends. And if you can't even form platonic relationships with people, don't expect the person of your dreams to be able to see the hero in you. It's not how many flowers you buy for them or how many mushy texts you send them at 11pm. It is how you treat your co-workers, your parents, random strangers and people who have no use for you. It is not about whether you have a 1k or 5k salary, it is whether you spend it on your education and your family or on useless clubbing sessions. I look at these things before deciding if a guy is dateable. I wasn't obliged to reciprocate just because he showed me some positive attention. And no, he definitely wasn't a (genuine) nice guy.
Bottomline is, sharing these lessons, learning from them and improving yourself don't guarrantee you get laid the next day, it is a good form of change for yourself. There are people who grow to hate the opposite gender (or same, depending on you) after a couple of rejections. It manifests in interactions with people and their "forever alone" laments become a self-fulfilling prophecy. No one wants to date angry, hateful people. Sometimes it is not about finding the "right person" to bring out the best in you. It is about becoming the "right person" that people like and want to be around.
Instead of asking yourself, "where are all the good guys/girls?", why not try "How can I be a guy/girl that people can like?" :)
Personally, I feel positivity and optimism are attractive. :) I also hate giving off negative vibes and affecting everyone around me. I've been trying hard to stick to that and I find the most popular people are the most cheerful and appreciative of all they have. Of course, it is also important to know your rights!
So to all the "forever alone" people, this is for you. Even if self-improvement doesn't help you get a boyfriend/girlfriend, do it for yourself and for the satisfaction of making a positive difference. Try it- learn a new skill, volunteer, spend more time with your friends, smile more. I have and I have seen a difference in my life. :)
Good luck!
1. A chip on the shoulder is not sexy. No matter what your ex-es did to you in the past, exuding a self-pitying aura is always repulsive. I have never met a person who is constantly whining about how bad his/her life and has lots of suitors. I've been rejected many times too, BIG DEAL. Deal with your feelings, and move on. Don't go around telling people you've only met for a few days how your ex was a horrible human being for not recognising the shining prince/lovely princess that you are. TL;DR, it's damn gross so stoppit.
2. Know how to read implicit signals and respect other people's boundaries. This means, learn to know when people are clearly disinterested in you. When someone backs off while you're leaning towards them, it's not because they want you to close the distance. If someone constantly ignores your texts/messaging, they aren't playing hard to get; it's not that hard to get. Find out about other people's feelings and respect them. Just because you want to "ask someone out" doesn't mean that person wants to be asked out by you. Make sure they are enjoying themselves around you instead of forcing your presence onto them just for the sake "getting to know them better".
3. Have something to place on the table if you want to be in a relationship, and I don't mean money. As much as most people hate to hear this, looks matter. What you do with your life and the quality of interactions people have with you also matter. If you can judge a person by their looks and decide you like it, people can also judge you by your looks and decide they don't like it. Saying you're a "nice guy/girl" and therefore you should be getting dates from your crush is like being a TV drama whose only selling point is "comes with moving pictures and intelligible sounds". People are not vending machines where you put niceness coins into and sex falls out. And you can also be the most eligible guy/girl around and your love interest still has the right to reject you. People have different preferences, respect them.
Returning to the topic of Y, he was everything I hated in a man. He wasn't a good-looker to start with, he didn't have a shining character, and worst of all none of the guys even liked him. He seriously had no friends. And if you can't even form platonic relationships with people, don't expect the person of your dreams to be able to see the hero in you. It's not how many flowers you buy for them or how many mushy texts you send them at 11pm. It is how you treat your co-workers, your parents, random strangers and people who have no use for you. It is not about whether you have a 1k or 5k salary, it is whether you spend it on your education and your family or on useless clubbing sessions. I look at these things before deciding if a guy is dateable. I wasn't obliged to reciprocate just because he showed me some positive attention. And no, he definitely wasn't a (genuine) nice guy.
Bottomline is, sharing these lessons, learning from them and improving yourself don't guarrantee you get laid the next day, it is a good form of change for yourself. There are people who grow to hate the opposite gender (or same, depending on you) after a couple of rejections. It manifests in interactions with people and their "forever alone" laments become a self-fulfilling prophecy. No one wants to date angry, hateful people. Sometimes it is not about finding the "right person" to bring out the best in you. It is about becoming the "right person" that people like and want to be around.
Instead of asking yourself, "where are all the good guys/girls?", why not try "How can I be a guy/girl that people can like?" :)
Personally, I feel positivity and optimism are attractive. :) I also hate giving off negative vibes and affecting everyone around me. I've been trying hard to stick to that and I find the most popular people are the most cheerful and appreciative of all they have. Of course, it is also important to know your rights!
So to all the "forever alone" people, this is for you. Even if self-improvement doesn't help you get a boyfriend/girlfriend, do it for yourself and for the satisfaction of making a positive difference. Try it- learn a new skill, volunteer, spend more time with your friends, smile more. I have and I have seen a difference in my life. :)
Good luck!
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