Writing: A love-hate relationship
My older friends from secondary school and JC would know I used to own a blog which I updated rather regularly. Ever since I started army training, I gradually had neither the energy (nor the interest) to continue updating it. So after leaving it dead for about pretty much half a year, I deleted the old blog.
I had made that decision for 2 main reasons: one, that I would not have time to regularly update it, and two, I was hitting 19 at the point in time and I just wasn't as angsty or emotionally-charged anymore. I figured my quality of writing would drop since I no longer had interesting things to write about. Better delete it than waste time writing boring mundane things that aren't sensational, right? It was the same reason I deleted my Twitter account- I didn't want to look back upon it and see all those nasty angry things.
And yet, it was a pity because sometimes I would come across the blogs of school seniors/random juniors I have never met because I am that damn ancient, and feel a wave of nostalgia about my blogging days :( I mean yes I did write some pretty nasty shit that portrayed me as a teenage wreck with hormonal imbalances, but along with those things, I also removed a lot of photos, experiences and personal accounts. I would feel that tinge of regret that those years which had painstakingly documented on a pretty orange blog will never come back. Damn, why did I delete my blog?
I started a new blog at the beginning of last year (this one), mainly because my itch to write has yet to die down with age. People who even know my current blog exists will probably realise
1. I update like maybe once in 2 months
2. I typically write about social issues, nothing personal.
It's so damn difficult to go back to those good-old days of blogging where each entry meant something personal and close to my heart and my peers can relate. Maybe it's because I have come to realise that firstly, I AM indeed growing old, and so are my peers. Our experiences have started to deviate and there was hardly anything in common that we shared besides those golden days back in RGS/RJ. Sure I have many new friends from uni and the air force but everyone pretty much goes their seperate ways outside of class/work.
It's not that I don't do anything interesting enough these days to be worthy of blogging about. During Reading Week last term I went with my friend Heidi to Oxford where I met my old JC friend Bobo.
I could write an interesting post about Oxford ice cream, the Harry Potter Hall (which was really a grand sight :D)... but somehow or rather...I just don't think my readers would be interested? In contrast, when I was in secondary school I could blog about how much my Girls' Brigade retreat changed me, how much I loved my company, and there were people with similar experiences who would be able to relate.
Now that I am 22, boring and pretty much on a life path most people would never go down, I wonder what personal stuff I could actually blog about. Trying not to forget to file my income tax? YAWN.
Besides, I look at my blog stats I realise I have readers coming from Russia, US...I mean like who the fuck are all these people reading my blog???? D:
I cannot trust that my blog and personal information will be safe. I don't want to plaster my face/my friend's names and faces all over a public platform, and then the next day find my photos attached to a Nigerian scam email. LOL joking, just a very far-fetched example. Besides, I do blog a lot of controversial liberal stuff- feminism, LGBT, internet safety to list a few. "Libtards" like myself are not very welcome in the highly bigoted and narrow-minded Singaporean cyberspace. I don't want to be the next Anton Casey, forced to flee Singapore when crazies get offended by my things and send my loved ones death threats. Not even all of my friends on FB have access to my photos, which shows how seriously I take my online privacy.
So I guess this explains why I haven't been writing about personal stuff. I miss my 17-18 year old self- writing away, having a carefree life offline and online, really sharing my thoughts and baring my soul to the world without caring about the implications. So what if my peers judged me? We all had emotional problems of our own to deal with at that age, and I was thankful I had so many friends to go through it with me. :D Yet, I can't go back to those days because of the limitations stated above and I resent that. Of course, I have also been so bogged down by school work and volunteering work that I simply don't have the time to update everyday anymore!
Gracious, is this what turning 22 is supposed to feel like?
Till I next get bitten by the writing bug again (which will probably be in a really, really long time). ~~
I had made that decision for 2 main reasons: one, that I would not have time to regularly update it, and two, I was hitting 19 at the point in time and I just wasn't as angsty or emotionally-charged anymore. I figured my quality of writing would drop since I no longer had interesting things to write about. Better delete it than waste time writing boring mundane things that aren't sensational, right? It was the same reason I deleted my Twitter account- I didn't want to look back upon it and see all those nasty angry things.
And yet, it was a pity because sometimes I would come across the blogs of school seniors/random juniors I have never met because I am that damn ancient, and feel a wave of nostalgia about my blogging days :( I mean yes I did write some pretty nasty shit that portrayed me as a teenage wreck with hormonal imbalances, but along with those things, I also removed a lot of photos, experiences and personal accounts. I would feel that tinge of regret that those years which had painstakingly documented on a pretty orange blog will never come back. Damn, why did I delete my blog?
I started a new blog at the beginning of last year (this one), mainly because my itch to write has yet to die down with age. People who even know my current blog exists will probably realise
1. I update like maybe once in 2 months
2. I typically write about social issues, nothing personal.
It's so damn difficult to go back to those good-old days of blogging where each entry meant something personal and close to my heart and my peers can relate. Maybe it's because I have come to realise that firstly, I AM indeed growing old, and so are my peers. Our experiences have started to deviate and there was hardly anything in common that we shared besides those golden days back in RGS/RJ. Sure I have many new friends from uni and the air force but everyone pretty much goes their seperate ways outside of class/work.
It's not that I don't do anything interesting enough these days to be worthy of blogging about. During Reading Week last term I went with my friend Heidi to Oxford where I met my old JC friend Bobo.
I could write an interesting post about Oxford ice cream, the Harry Potter Hall (which was really a grand sight :D)... but somehow or rather...I just don't think my readers would be interested? In contrast, when I was in secondary school I could blog about how much my Girls' Brigade retreat changed me, how much I loved my company, and there were people with similar experiences who would be able to relate.
Now that I am 22, boring and pretty much on a life path most people would never go down, I wonder what personal stuff I could actually blog about. Trying not to forget to file my income tax? YAWN.
Besides, I look at my blog stats I realise I have readers coming from Russia, US...I mean like who the fuck are all these people reading my blog???? D:
I cannot trust that my blog and personal information will be safe. I don't want to plaster my face/my friend's names and faces all over a public platform, and then the next day find my photos attached to a Nigerian scam email. LOL joking, just a very far-fetched example. Besides, I do blog a lot of controversial liberal stuff- feminism, LGBT, internet safety to list a few. "Libtards" like myself are not very welcome in the highly bigoted and narrow-minded Singaporean cyberspace. I don't want to be the next Anton Casey, forced to flee Singapore when crazies get offended by my things and send my loved ones death threats. Not even all of my friends on FB have access to my photos, which shows how seriously I take my online privacy.
So I guess this explains why I haven't been writing about personal stuff. I miss my 17-18 year old self- writing away, having a carefree life offline and online, really sharing my thoughts and baring my soul to the world without caring about the implications. So what if my peers judged me? We all had emotional problems of our own to deal with at that age, and I was thankful I had so many friends to go through it with me. :D Yet, I can't go back to those days because of the limitations stated above and I resent that. Of course, I have also been so bogged down by school work and volunteering work that I simply don't have the time to update everyday anymore!
Gracious, is this what turning 22 is supposed to feel like?
Till I next get bitten by the writing bug again (which will probably be in a really, really long time). ~~
Comments
Post a Comment