Why we should spend less time on Facebook
Hello friends :D
So some time back one of my best friends told me she'd be disappearing from Facebook, and not long after she returned... only to face the mayhem going on in Singapore's social media scene and that was the differing opinions over Mr Lee Kuan Yew's death.
We were just talking about it over dinner that day and she was sharing with me why Facebook is so bad for us- firstly, we only see positive/happy things that our friends share, making us feel bad about our own lives; secondly, we see too much stupid crap from people we don't care about.
You know, I kinda agree with her :(
I've written a Facebook note about this before on my old account which has been deactivated. I have a new Facebook account now where I only add the people I work with, are personally close with, and people whom I trust not to post gross things. (Or it might just mean I haven't added you back, so don't take offence!) And I now limit my activity to one post in 2-3 days (though sometimes I still break this rule). I also rarely, if ever, comment on anything on pages or other people's timelines anymore.
Let me tell you why this has changed my life (LOL!) for the better. :)
1. You won't have to deal with crap you don't want to see.
My friends know I take a very strong stand against bigotry, be it online or offline. My old account had been in existence since 2006 before I shut it down, and this means it has the tendency to accumulate friends that you've long lost contact with.
We all grow and mature, and sometimes, we grow out of the company we once used to keep. I personally tend to keep friends without racist/sexist/homophobic tendencies, and it pisses me off to no end whenever I see people post lame racist/sexist crap on Facebook and go "HAHAHAHAHA" like that post was the funniest shit that they've ever produced since time immemorial. -.-
I logged into back into my old Facebook once to dig out some old photos of mine, and I saw this person post a video of a Thai girl spewing hate at Chinese nationals on one of my old Facebook friends' wall, captioning something like, "These chao ah tiongs, see what this Thai has to say about them." Wowwe. How some people can be so proud of this kind of opinions, I really have no clue.
Don't even get me started on Facebook pages (even your mainstream ones like the Channel News Asia or Straits Times facebook pages). Most of the time the page admins are too busy finding news-worthy content to post to regulate the kind of comments that are being posted. Any Tom, Dick or Harry can log onto the Internet to post the most dumb, ill-informed and bigoted content. And I assure you it is best for your emotional health to steer clear of such internet users. I'm speaking from personal experience.
The solution: Don't bother arguing, just unfollow/unfriend. If this sort of behaviour is coming from someone I am personally close to, maybe I'd privately tell them "Hey, that thing you posted? Not nice, friend." If it's someone I no longer talk to in real life? Even less reason to care. Just unfollow or unfriend and call it a day. Arguments will only get you sucked in deeper, wasting more of your time and making you unhappier. So don't.
2. Things won't get awkward between you and a friend in real life because of an online argument, because less time online= fewer online arguments
I used to pick fights with people quite a lot on Facebook pages on my old Facebook (lol, oops) but I think I can safely say that I have never done this with people who are my Facebook friends. Even when I comment on their stuff, I (try to) say things civilly and nicely.
But one thing is for sure: I am an outspoken person with something to say about everything, and it is inevitable that people will disagree with the things I write, even if I keep them to my own timeline (as I do with my new account now).
Most of the time, I welcome these comments from my friends, and I usually engage with patience and tact. Worse comes to worst, I agree to disagree and this doesn't affect our real-life friendship at all whatsoever,
I've only gotten like, LEGIT PISSED OFF twice- once was when a friend made a personal attack on me about something I posted on my own profile. Another was when I was discussing something about the Delhi rape case and me needing feminism as long as rape culture existed, and that person (who surfaces everytime I discuss feminism so one can only wonder what his problem is) left me irrelevant comments and shot down the things I said again and again, and when I painstakingly explained things to him nicely, he simply ignored me. I got an inkling this guy was just trying to be an asshole on purpose so I deleted all his comments. Both parties have been unfriended.
Both instances I had been bugged for some time- on one hand thinking what assholes these people are and on the other thinking I might have gone too far unfriending them because after all, I once knew them. It doesn't feel good doing things like this to friends and obviously, we all want to eliminate drama from our lives. I mean, I think drama is inevitable in general because sometimes people just want to create it, but if staying away from the internet helps minimise its occurrence in my life, then I will.
You know, I kinda agree with her :(
I've written a Facebook note about this before on my old account which has been deactivated. I have a new Facebook account now where I only add the people I work with, are personally close with, and people whom I trust not to post gross things. (Or it might just mean I haven't added you back, so don't take offence!) And I now limit my activity to one post in 2-3 days (though sometimes I still break this rule). I also rarely, if ever, comment on anything on pages or other people's timelines anymore.
Let me tell you why this has changed my life (LOL!) for the better. :)
1. You won't have to deal with crap you don't want to see.
My friends know I take a very strong stand against bigotry, be it online or offline. My old account had been in existence since 2006 before I shut it down, and this means it has the tendency to accumulate friends that you've long lost contact with.
We all grow and mature, and sometimes, we grow out of the company we once used to keep. I personally tend to keep friends without racist/sexist/homophobic tendencies, and it pisses me off to no end whenever I see people post lame racist/sexist crap on Facebook and go "HAHAHAHAHA" like that post was the funniest shit that they've ever produced since time immemorial. -.-
I logged into back into my old Facebook once to dig out some old photos of mine, and I saw this person post a video of a Thai girl spewing hate at Chinese nationals on one of my old Facebook friends' wall, captioning something like, "These chao ah tiongs, see what this Thai has to say about them." Wowwe. How some people can be so proud of this kind of opinions, I really have no clue.
Don't even get me started on Facebook pages (even your mainstream ones like the Channel News Asia or Straits Times facebook pages). Most of the time the page admins are too busy finding news-worthy content to post to regulate the kind of comments that are being posted. Any Tom, Dick or Harry can log onto the Internet to post the most dumb, ill-informed and bigoted content. And I assure you it is best for your emotional health to steer clear of such internet users. I'm speaking from personal experience.
The solution: Don't bother arguing, just unfollow/unfriend. If this sort of behaviour is coming from someone I am personally close to, maybe I'd privately tell them "Hey, that thing you posted? Not nice, friend." If it's someone I no longer talk to in real life? Even less reason to care. Just unfollow or unfriend and call it a day. Arguments will only get you sucked in deeper, wasting more of your time and making you unhappier. So don't.
2. Things won't get awkward between you and a friend in real life because of an online argument, because less time online= fewer online arguments
I used to pick fights with people quite a lot on Facebook pages on my old Facebook (lol, oops) but I think I can safely say that I have never done this with people who are my Facebook friends. Even when I comment on their stuff, I (try to) say things civilly and nicely.
But one thing is for sure: I am an outspoken person with something to say about everything, and it is inevitable that people will disagree with the things I write, even if I keep them to my own timeline (as I do with my new account now).
Most of the time, I welcome these comments from my friends, and I usually engage with patience and tact. Worse comes to worst, I agree to disagree and this doesn't affect our real-life friendship at all whatsoever,
I've only gotten like, LEGIT PISSED OFF twice- once was when a friend made a personal attack on me about something I posted on my own profile. Another was when I was discussing something about the Delhi rape case and me needing feminism as long as rape culture existed, and that person (who surfaces everytime I discuss feminism so one can only wonder what his problem is) left me irrelevant comments and shot down the things I said again and again, and when I painstakingly explained things to him nicely, he simply ignored me. I got an inkling this guy was just trying to be an asshole on purpose so I deleted all his comments. Both parties have been unfriended.
Hell hath no fury like a woman lectured on sexism by a sexist man
Both instances I had been bugged for some time- on one hand thinking what assholes these people are and on the other thinking I might have gone too far unfriending them because after all, I once knew them. It doesn't feel good doing things like this to friends and obviously, we all want to eliminate drama from our lives. I mean, I think drama is inevitable in general because sometimes people just want to create it, but if staying away from the internet helps minimise its occurrence in my life, then I will.
I keep my circle small on Facebook now, so I don't have to deal with drama. I also put people on my Restricted list (to do so, just go to their timeline, mouse over the "friends" button till a drop down menu appears, and on add to list options check "Restricted") so they can only see what I choose to put as public.
3. You won't have to deal with weirdos.
I think I've also mentioned that I have received VERY STRANGE Facebook messages before, during the days when I was more outspoken on the internet.
These messages have ranged from unpleasant to actually scaring the shit out of me D:
And no, these are not spam bots, they are real human beings who privately messaged me over things I've written over various places on Facebook.
I didn't get anything indecent, thank god, sometimes 样衰 is good thing LOL. Just extremely weird messages from socially mal-adjusted people. I got this guy who wanted to meet me under the excuse of "I've been asked to interview a female SAF regular" (I wish I was kidding). I got many that kept going "hi" "hi" "hi" "hi" even when I didn't respond. One tried to sell me insurance and actually told me "I know being in SAF is tough..." (It is things like this that make me regret even revealing my identity and sharing my opinions in the first place. Trust me I deeply regret it now. I was too hot-headed back then) I also got one who criticised everything from the way I smiled to my opinions to my swearing to how engineering girls looked. I blocked all of them.
And of course, not forgetting the one who tried to message me constantly till I explicitly made him stop, then a week later asked me if I was in London (because The Prince Charming himself had showed up in London, wanting to meet me). It legit scared the crap out of me, thank god I was back in Singapore. Think I talked about him before.
How these people think it is okay to do things like this to strangers on the Internet, I really have no clue. Eventually, I decided it was an inevitable downside of having opinions on the Internet and decided to stop drawing unnecessary attention to myself.
So yea, deleted my old account, set up a new one which is less active, and refrained from making any public comments or accepting anyone I didn't know. Also set my Facebook inbox to have Strict Filtering. :)
I must admit that despite doing this, I still received one weird Facebook message from some guy who read my blog and followed me all the way to Facebook profile, and felt compelled to leave me an essay about how blogging is immature, and tried to drag my career into this.
OMFG, WHAAAAT????
It was downright scary how he even found out I studied at UCL; that no-lifer must have searched my entire blog to find out. I was also extremely uncomfortable with him associating my opinions with my employers, so I told him to kindly leave my employers alone, and blocked him*. I don't get it- is blogging that wrong?
But all in all, I generally receive no more creepy intrusions. I am not even popular in any way yet the attention I received over the stuff I wrote (mostly about feminism and anti-bigotry- not even morally objectionable things) has somewhat intimidated me into stopping. Sigh. No idea how people like Xiaxue or LimpehFT deal with it.
4. Most importantly, you will have more time to focus on real-life relationships that actually matter.
I speak for my generation when I say a lot of us are very caught up over online popularity and things like Facebook likes. I don't really care, which is why most of my things are set to private. (And I don't accept strangers anymore see point 3 for reason)
But really, I've come to realise online popularity boils down to nothing at the end of the day. I don't think about how many likes the photo of my dinner on Instagram would get when I go to bed at night. I think about my loved ones and my friends. I can't even say I blog for hits- I blog because I like writing to express myself. And you'd be surprised how much happier life is when you stop giving a shit about what is going on on your social media.
Really, go out and live. Hang out with friends, drop your smartphone and pick up a book. Learn a new recipe or hit the gym. I've even started on Harry Potter to make up for my deprived childhood LOL. :)
3. You won't have to deal with weirdos.
I think I've also mentioned that I have received VERY STRANGE Facebook messages before, during the days when I was more outspoken on the internet.
These messages have ranged from unpleasant to actually scaring the shit out of me D:
And no, these are not spam bots, they are real human beings who privately messaged me over things I've written over various places on Facebook.
I didn't get anything indecent, thank god, sometimes 样衰 is good thing LOL. Just extremely weird messages from socially mal-adjusted people. I got this guy who wanted to meet me under the excuse of "I've been asked to interview a female SAF regular" (I wish I was kidding). I got many that kept going "hi" "hi" "hi" "hi" even when I didn't respond. One tried to sell me insurance and actually told me "I know being in SAF is tough..." (It is things like this that make me regret even revealing my identity and sharing my opinions in the first place. Trust me I deeply regret it now. I was too hot-headed back then) I also got one who criticised everything from the way I smiled to my opinions to my swearing to how engineering girls looked. I blocked all of them.
And of course, not forgetting the one who tried to message me constantly till I explicitly made him stop, then a week later asked me if I was in London (because The Prince Charming himself had showed up in London, wanting to meet me). It legit scared the crap out of me, thank god I was back in Singapore. Think I talked about him before.
How these people think it is okay to do things like this to strangers on the Internet, I really have no clue. Eventually, I decided it was an inevitable downside of having opinions on the Internet and decided to stop drawing unnecessary attention to myself.
So yea, deleted my old account, set up a new one which is less active, and refrained from making any public comments or accepting anyone I didn't know. Also set my Facebook inbox to have Strict Filtering. :)
I must admit that despite doing this, I still received one weird Facebook message from some guy who read my blog and followed me all the way to Facebook profile, and felt compelled to leave me an essay about how blogging is immature, and tried to drag my career into this.
OMFG, WHAAAAT????
It was downright scary how he even found out I studied at UCL; that no-lifer must have searched my entire blog to find out. I was also extremely uncomfortable with him associating my opinions with my employers, so I told him to kindly leave my employers alone, and blocked him*. I don't get it- is blogging that wrong?
But all in all, I generally receive no more creepy intrusions. I am not even popular in any way yet the attention I received over the stuff I wrote (mostly about feminism and anti-bigotry- not even morally objectionable things) has somewhat intimidated me into stopping. Sigh. No idea how people like Xiaxue or LimpehFT deal with it.
4. Most importantly, you will have more time to focus on real-life relationships that actually matter.
I speak for my generation when I say a lot of us are very caught up over online popularity and things like Facebook likes. I don't really care, which is why most of my things are set to private. (And I don't accept strangers anymore see point 3 for reason)
But really, I've come to realise online popularity boils down to nothing at the end of the day. I don't think about how many likes the photo of my dinner on Instagram would get when I go to bed at night. I think about my loved ones and my friends. I can't even say I blog for hits- I blog because I like writing to express myself. And you'd be surprised how much happier life is when you stop giving a shit about what is going on on your social media.
Really, go out and live. Hang out with friends, drop your smartphone and pick up a book. Learn a new recipe or hit the gym. I've even started on Harry Potter to make up for my deprived childhood LOL. :)
Don't let social media ruin your life!
*May I take this time to disclaim that anything I write is solely my content and opinion, and should not be associated with my employers at all whatsoever. I've tried my best to responsible with my writing as far as possible, but I'm open to suggestions. And because I don't ever talk about what I do at work on any public platform, my opinions should not be representative of what I'm like at work AT ALL.
In other words, take this blog as just the space of an average 23-year-old penning her thoughts about certain social issues, and nothing more than that.
*May I take this time to disclaim that anything I write is solely my content and opinion, and should not be associated with my employers at all whatsoever. I've tried my best to responsible with my writing as far as possible, but I'm open to suggestions. And because I don't ever talk about what I do at work on any public platform, my opinions should not be representative of what I'm like at work AT ALL.
In other words, take this blog as just the space of an average 23-year-old penning her thoughts about certain social issues, and nothing more than that.
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