5 costume ideas for Halloween- social activist edition

My dad said something very impactful when I was a child (my brother and I were afraid of ghosts then), that I still remember till today:

"What's so scary about ghosts? I think humans are scarier." 

We have fun during Halloween parties because we all know that vampires, Draculas and Frankenstein monsters are fake. So for those looking to make a real impact, why not dress as something that real people experience/fear everyday of their lives?

Disclaimer: The purpose of writing this is to talk about the social ills that are still present in first-world societies. I am not literally advocating for people to go and make a joke out of the prejudices that many people face in reality. (In case I get readers who miss the point completely) But bigots are very real, they are in our social circles and everyday they continue to perpetuate hate and give disenfranchised groups a hard time. I'm making fun of them because I secretly think bigots are all on par with Frankensteins and Pontianaks in terms of repulsiveness. HAHAHAHA! Happy Halloween everyone!

1. The racist

(Warning: this look may get you arrested)

Costume materials:

-A white Taoist robe (or bath robe if you can't find one)

-A white hood over your head that covers everything except your eyes

The fact that you look like a literal ghost still isn't the scariest part. At your party you should go around giving minority races, "immigrant"-looking people and "Foreign Talent" a hard time. Tell racist jokes about the colour of other people's skin, make insulting passes at other races "body odours"- even if it's just that one guy who has a body odour and not all people of that race, even though people are clearly starting to find you irritating, even if your jokes have the intelligence level of a cockroach egg-carry on anyway!

You will be guaranteed to be the most repulsive thing at the party that night :D

2. The keyboard warrior

Costume materials:

-A keyboard

-A paper sack over your head since you're too cowardly to use your real identity to express your opinions

Or camouflage cream, that works too. Anything that conceals your identity!

The purpose of a keyboard warrior's existence is to... I'm not sure actually. Insult people? Insult people under the excuse of being "online vigilantehs" or "satire"? Pretend you're doing something for a good cause but you're really just being a cyberbully?

As a keyboard warrior at this Halloween party, you should embody the traits of all the Halloween villains in this blog post from 1-5, except you're an anonymous coward. Go up to everyone and slander them, tell racist jokes, sexually objectify women, and when you get called out, yell "It's SATIRE YO! Can't take a joke?" Please, just for tonight, conveniently forget the fact that "satire" and "jokes" are actually, you know, meant to be funny instead of insulting to the target audience.

Here are also a few words to add to your vocabulary as a keyboard warrior:

-"Paper general": a military general who doesn't start senseless wars and endanger the lives of their people just for a few more decorative medals

-"Dog" or "Pig"- everyone with a different opinion than you

-"Sheep" or "daft"- someone who doesn't criticise for the sake of criticising

-"Out of touch"- people who don't agree that you should be handed everything in life on a silver platter without working for it

-"Bitch"- girl who won't pay attention to your misogynistic degrading comments online

3. "Oppressed" white/Singaporean Chinese man

Now who is this guy, you ask? It's a person whose background makes him the most privileged group, but he decides that not being able to claim that he is oppressed somehow makes him oppressed.

Costume materials:

- Eye drops to simulate crying

This costume may seem easy to prepare, but only a very special group of people can dress as this. You must belong to a race that faces the least prejudice where you're from, you must be a straight man, and must have a degree from the best university of your hometown and be at least middle-class. You cannot be poor, an immigrant, have no degree, be handicapped, or have a stigmatised illness like depression. If you don't belong in this exclusive club, sorry you don't qualify :(

Step into your party and what's the first thing you yell? "Why is there Ladies' Night, and no Man's Night? Oppression! Feminazi!" Then, you must cut into every group conversation at the party, turn the topic of conversation to yourself and say how social justice warriors are personally victimising you by not allowing you to make rape/racist/homophobic jokes. Whine that you're not going anywhere in life because you're not a scholar/some important guy's son, never mind the fact that your degree and your socio-economic status already give you a truckload of advantage. Remember, you are the real victim here!

Some people may actually *gasp* engage you in conversation and explain to you that there are people who experience life differently because they face institutionalised barriers on the basis of their race/gender/economic background. You must deny everything ever exists. Say black people in America are "crazy" for thinking that race-based police brutality is actually a thing. Say all feminists are man-hating because a couple of extreme ones (that no one has heard of) said you must use "he/she" instead of just "he" in your sentences. Say gay people are "childish and petty" for standing up against homophobia. Racism, sexism and homophobia aren't real, they are made up by the hippie liberals. Remember that! :)

Break down and cry at the end of the party, yelling "I'm really the one who is oppressed here!"

4. The xenophobe

This is a close twin sibling to number 1, you may want to get your BFF to dress as no. 1 for double the scary effect :D

Costume materials:

-Uhhh I don't know, something similar to no.1? Something that makes you look like a The Real Singapore contributor or Fox News reader?

Launch into a large rant about immigrants and, if you're Singaporean, label them "FT"s, or Foreign Talent. (Author's note: I know the latter sounds like it's a compliment but Singaporeans who are xenophobic actually mean it as an insult. I know right, why logic when you can just blindly hate?) 

If you come from an English-speaking country (like Singapore), lament about how these "FT"s speak with such a strong unpleasant accent, never mind the fact that as a local you can barely string a sentence in English yourself despite studying it for 10 years. Irony is a good accessory to your costume! Go up to the face of everybody who looks remotely like a foreigner- scratch that, that's every single person at the party to you- and berate them for stealing your job. Never mind that many foreign workers work in jobs you wouldn't have taken anyway, and many of them are being exploited by your own countrymen.

5. The pick-up "artist" 

If you consider being an obnoxious misogynistic asshole an "art", this look is for you!

Costume materials:

-Don't shower for a week

-A fedora

-A T-shirt that says something misogynistic, preferably ironic too, like, "I AM SUCH A NICE GUY, WHY WON'T FEMALES DATE ME, THOSE UGLY B*TCH SL*T WH*RES"

Upon entering the party, go up to every woman and start assigning them a one-digit number. Most of them may give you a weird look but that's just you rating their attractiveness on a scale of 1-10. IT'S NORMAL FOR MEN TO DO THIS, RIGHT? /sarcasm Women who are of the wrong race, aren't supermodels, or express an opinion should be assigned a number of 4 or below. They are trannies if they do some kind of sport.

If you have managed to find a girl who meets your impossible, I mean reasonable, standards, go up to her and insult her, I mean pick her up. Say you'd f*** her without her asking for your opinion, comment loudly on other women's body parts (remember, you are complimenting them, not being a creep). Talk about spiking women's drinks/getting girls drunk like it's a pickup tactic and not, you know, rape. If women call you out on your sexism, throw a man-baby tantrum and call them unattractive feminazis who will die alone. Threaten to commit a mass shooting if they don't give you their number.

Now that every self-respecting woman in the party is ignoring you, go terrorise the men. Every man who has a platonic female friend, go tell them that they must be just waiting for an opportunity to sleep with her, no exceptions. Men who defend their female friends when you throw sexist insults at them? Call them gay, because all straight men want to degrade and humiliate women, no exceptions. #pickupartistlogic But why do they seem so popular with girls? They must be pretending to be feminists to get girls. Wait, so are they gay or are they trying to get girls? Your pick-up artist brain is malfunctioning, you should go home now before you actually commit a crime.

Happy Halloween everybody! :D :D :D Being an asshole is worse than being a Halloween monster, stay nice and kind everyone!